Monthly Archives: March 2014

Its a plastic passion

The world humans have constructed for ourselves is mainly artificial.  Even this method of communication, writing, writing black ants onto an automated, perfected MANually constructed instrument such as my beloved laptop is artificial.  With that in mind, given that I am a woman with only so many options as to having a platform to express my truth through, lets together forget that and delve into the topic of authenticity.

Pornography is horror.  It is pure, anadulterated horror but it is held up to be culturally, the height of human expression and liberated, authentic female sexuality.  This is a reversal because as we know it is the job of a prostituted woman to fake lust.  It is the job of the consumer of prostituted women to vampirically drain the prostituted woman of her spirit until she is broken into not being able to feel pure lust again.  The process of recovery for prostituted women is that of recovering an ability to really feel and be present in the moments that make life beautiful.  This is what prostitution and specifically, its branch known as “pornography” does to women.  

It is interesting that so many modern humans have developed such addictions to that which is inauthentic.  The refined foods we eat which make us sick, the hours spent in front of screens, the effort spent always trying to attain that which isn’t instead of feeling alive in the moment.  I’m thinking about this as I’m going through the process of detoxing my body.  I have been addicted to frankenfood for years.  As a woman who grew up in poverty who was raised by a parent who used frankenfood as a drug to cope with their own problems I was kind of set up for the addiction from day one.  When my joints gave out a couple years ago and I began the process of taking chemo drugs, steroids and all manner of harmful fucking shit I was yet again put back into reality where I could ignore my body no longer.

So I’ve started the process of no longer putting refined foods into my body, eating a mainly plant based diet, juicing, and just trying to pay attention to what is happening in each moment that ticks.  At first the addiction seems like the most daunting task on earth.  Its everywhere, how do we escape?  What if I fuck up and eat something that isn’t 100% pure?  What if I absolutely HATE eating what is good for me?  

There is a process the body goes through.  There’s pain, there’s elimination, there’s systems going haywire.  All of this is the body reacting to a change in whats been happening for so long.  But over time I’ve began feeling ill if I don’t have my juice.  If I am not eating enough veggies.  I’ve come to find wheat products to be kind of…passe.  I can now take them or leave them.  This is me going through the process of replacing that which is plastic for that which is real.  I can’t help but make the parallel to the other plastic passions that drive people in the modern era.

Men are easily seduced and taken in by the fake lust that they feel when they consume pornography.  As this lust is fake though, over time their senses became numbed by it.  They can no longer even actually sustain erections when the time comes to be authentically sexual with another person so haywire their system has become.  I guess because I’m going through the process myself regarding frankenfood I can finally understand even more just how fucked up and addicted to necrophilic plastic lust the men who use pornography are.  This isn’t me excusing them by any means, we all make choices and are ultimately responsible for ourselves and how our choices impact others but I guess I can say now that I understand just how easy it is for them to be so sick and not even be aware of it.  What a gift it is to really see the world as it is.


Tattoos as Self Mutilation Revisited

So its been a few months since I first wrote about this topic.  Earlier this week I had more tattoos done.  One of them is even a feminist-themed one.  I definitely will be getting more and am planning out my next one which is gonna be really cool.  The only thing is, getting tattoos, means thinking about them.  Means talking about them with others.  I also tend to go on netflix binges and lately I’ve been watching “LA ink” which deals with a tattoo shop owned by Kat Von D in Los Angeles.  I’ve been amazed watching just how often people’s tattoo ideas are directly related to traumatic events they’ve been through.  Near death experiences, loss of their loved ones, surviving an illness.  With all this blowing around in the caverns of my mind I thought I’d expand on what I talked about last time I blogged on this subject.

I briefly touched on the relation of tattooing to other forms of self-mutilation engaged in by women.  Its a serious issue.  We all know at least one woman whose cut the shit out of herself in order to deal with her own traumatized psyche.  For many women tattooing and body modifications are a way of dealing with the trauma they’ve gone though.  I’m not immune to this and its in the forefront of my mind as a survivor of multiple traumas who also wants a lot of tattoos.  An interesting fact I’ve come across as well is that women are more likely to get tattooed than men.  This isn’t surprising for a number of reasons.  For one, women are used to being fully conscious of their bodies every single day, its only natural a woman would then think about and want to decorate her skin.  For another, women are a lot better at handling pain than men are.  We’re just superior in that way (among many others)  Lastly, as women, and as women who are survivors we’re pretty used to having our reality denied.  We’re gaslighted about our own experiences daily.  We aren’t believed when we talk about what happens to us.  Women just aren’t considered credible.  But tattoos, like all of our experiences are fucking real.  This isn’t something that can be denied or put away.  Its there, for everyone to see.  Like the scars of self-mutilation people might look away or disapprove but they can’t be denied.  They’re there.  Its a comfort thing a woman can look at throughout her life.  Not at all an ideal situation but we make the best with what we have in the here and now.

Now I’m going to jump to something else.  When I wrote about this last I got a lot of feedback from other feminists with tattoos who told me of awful experiences they’ve had with men verbally and even physically attacking them because of their body modifications.  When I was around 20 years old, working in a shop one of the customers who was a middle aged man got up in my face questioning me about my nostril piercing (which I’ve had since I was 15).  I was really confused and thought he was genuinely interested in why I wanted the piercing.  I mean I always wanted it.  Ever since I first saw it.  I remember being 4 years old and imagining what I would look like in the future and there was a nostril piercing in that mental image (as well as tattoos).  He wasn’t actually interested in that though.  He just wanted to abuse me for being stupid enough to think I had a right to do whatever I wanted with my body and thankfully a woman who I worked with that was a few years older than me came over to rescue me from the very rude man who felt entitled enough to wear sweatpants in public and question how other people look.   Nothing like that has happened to me with the tattoos yet and thankfully I’m a bit older and can pretty much defend myself from any dickhead man with a stupid opinion.  I do understand now better though what the problem is with men who have a problem with tattooed women.  My friend commented on previous post that tattoos are an affront to the purity which many men fetishize in women.  A woman who has chosen to tattoo her skin has made a very clear statement, whether conscious or not, that she ultimately sees herself as the one who owns her body.  A lot of men have a problem with that.  They don’t like being reminded that we are autonomous beings with hopes, dreams and ideas that exist out of our functional use to them and their dicks.  

This came to mind recently because my friend was staying at my house for a week and part of our entertainment was her reading the MRA screeds found on manboobz.  Several times these dudes brought up the term “tattooed” in regards to how vile modern women are.  It kind of took me aback at first but then the wheels started spinning.  Obviously professional misogynists would have a problem with women who tattoo their skin.  There’s something positive to tattoos if we can disgust MRAs with our impurity and obvious individuality.  

The flipside of this all is, a lot of men fetishize women with tattoos.  A la “suicide girls” and other “alternative porn” outlets.  Sadly for women living in a patriarchal world, there’s no escape from having men project their own ideas and desires onto us.