No Sons, No Masters

So my life as a feminist has taken a few turns or so.  Some of it is the craziness of living through some traumatic shit.  Some of it is just luck.  I don’t remember when I decided I didn’t want to have children but at some point during my teen years I did.

I found blogs, written by women, who called themselves feminists and talked about their decision to be childfree.  In particular I loved the green fairy and the misanthropic bitch.  Although in my more enlightened analysis now I would reject pretty much most of what these women put out, what drew me in was the simple idea that women don’t exist to have males use our bodies to pass their seed on.

There’s a million ways to express this idea, and I ate them all up.

I had an abortion about 5 years ago, really upset with myself (I KNOW!) for being so stupid to have even ever gotten pregnant.  I was also proud of making the RIGHT decision, instead of doing what I’d seen so many women do.  Settle down with the first guy that knocks them up and settle into domesticity.  I just knew I couldn’t do that.

Don’t let anyone tell you abortion is an easy option either.  Its incredibly painful, my body still hasn’t recovered from the trauma 5+ years on and it physically altered my body in very terrifying ways.

A lot of women really wrap their identity up in having children.  It seems to be this confirmation of womanhood that one either lives up to or not.  Lesbians can validate ourselves as women by giving birth to healthy sons, etc.

I guess this is what I wanna talk about.  I’ve dated several women who have pretty much freaked out at my assertion that I don’t want to have children, and I especially don’t want to have MALE children.  I have explained why, and I do think my reasoning is sound.  I don’t want to put a male child out into the world and have him possibly harming women and know that my love and acceptance for my child will always be lacking because of this fear.  I also just don’t want to put the time, energy and love (and really what is more of an energy sponge than children?) into a man.  For any reason.  I’ve also been contacted by butthurt sons of 70s feminists who tried raising their kids in alternative ways which has resulted in their sons taking on a very conservative attitude towards life and towards their treatment of women.  Then there’s sons like Tobi Hill-Meyer, well I just couldn’t handle that at all…

At first I was kind of shocked that other lesbians wouldn’t get this, but of course not everyone in the world is a radical feminist and just cause someone likes women and even likes me (I have my moments of charm) doesn’t mean they have any clue about how bad shit really is.  So I’ve been thinking about it and I’ve finally figured it out.  Here’s my hypothesis:

1) Having sons is a status giver for women.  When we give birth to male children we are validating our own womanhood and proving our value to the culture at large.  This is a way to validate ourselves as women and thus lesbians, many of whom feel like a big part of their womanhood has been denied their whole lives know having sons will validate them in the eyes of society.

2) Internalized misogyny.  This is a no brainer.  We’ve all heard women talk about how little girls are all “bitches” and “evil” and sons are so sweet and love their mothers endlessly (as if).

3) Heteronormativity.  For you see, the mother/son relationship is the foundation of the institution of heterosexuality itself.  Its a perfect analogy really.  Women pour all their love and soul into nurturing and taking care of men who are our oppressors, we are unable to escape it in most situations.  But of course its supposed to be different when its our own nigels sons.  I mean, I was even once at an anti porn conference where a woman was more freaked out about how her son felt about his penis size than the woman being humiliated in the pornography he was looking at on the computer.  We all have our anecdotes I’m sure.

I’m not really sure what I’m getting at here.  I guess its a few trains of thought trying to pull itself into some analysis of the situation.  I guess its fun breaking down compulsory heterosexuality and showing that yet again, lesbians and heterosexual women aren’t different from one another.  We’re all raised under the big P and we all have the same messages drilled into us.  I long for the day when every woman is a radical lesbian feminist.

So for now, its back to enjoying celibacy and using that sexual energy to be creative which is like, totally hot.

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25 responses to “No Sons, No Masters

  1. Wonderful! Thank you for this…. 🙂 I am celibate too and absolutely changed for the better because of it. If all woman hung onto their energy instead of wasting it on men in heterosexual exchange, women would be a creative, powerful force.

  2. Interesting analysis. I’m glad to see you blogging again!

  3. I experienced no status from having a son. None. The constant criticism heaped on mothers, no matter what, was exhausting and discouraging. If there is status in being excoriated daily, I got heaps of that.

    Status, to me, would have been a boost—it would have felt good, or at least would have been sustaining on some level; a kind word now and then; and, basically, all mothers (it was hardly just me) got a boot in the rear over and over again. If what I got was a boost in status, I want to give that back with years of resentment and rage as interest. Where can I return this status?

    One of the most painful things in my life was when my son was about 15 and as he looked at me without words, the realization came over him that no matter what he did or failed to do, and no matter what I did and sacrificed, he would forever be more valuable than I would ever be—because he is male. Neither of us voiced this at the time, nor spoke of it afterwards. Yet, the truth of the moment was louder than any sound waves could have contained.

    Perhaps in some cultures I would have been allowed to live because my one child is male, but to be kept alive so that child can learn that his mother is socially worthless because she is female is hardly status. It is heartbreaking. It is soul-crushing.

    I advise younger women to forgo having children altogether (or engaging in het relationships if they ask). I would not have had a child if I had it to do all over again. I encourage women to keep everything that they can for themselves and women’s causes. What I cannot promote is the notion that mothers of sons have increased status.

  4. Also celibate here. I waste as little time and energy catering or being around men. They bore (or scare) the shit out of me. I volunteered for a Halfway to Michfest party on Friday night, and it was woman-only… the feelings of SAFETY, as well as joyful energy… were palpable. The only minor disruption of that safety for me was when one trans woman came in and of course verbally shit all over me and the other butch woman working the door, telling us how hot he was and that we’d never be as hot (read: fuckable) as him. Of course, we politely did not respond, took his money and let him in. As it was a private, woman-only event until midnight, by 11PM there were violent, drunken males outside trying to force their way in. Ugh. Whatever. I had fun anyway, even if I didn’t win any raffle prizes. lol

    Thank you for this post; everything you say makes total, 100 percent sense to me.

  5. I haven’t really vocalized my refusal to have/raise male children (on the fence about girls) to the women I date/socialize with because I am afraid of that freak out you mention. It’s like, I feel like I can’t even say anything bad about men among my all-female friends because many are now queer and genderqueer, so they don’t even identify as women/lesbian (and thus have fewer qualms with men as a class). I think the flip of #3 is internalized homophobia… as if many lesbians can’t even conceptualize a non male-oriented world. As if there is something “wrong” with how our woman-loving and woman-first priorities extend to children, too.

  6. Great blog post. Yup, so many reasons why having children is not a good idea. My internalized misogynous alcoholic control freak mother basically showed me what NOT to do in life.

    In many ways she suffered. She was battered by my alcoholic dad, and I think she had four children because she hoped that somehow it would make him less mean to her, or make him THINK about what he was doing, which he wasn’t too good at.

    Because of our alcoholic home my three siblings decided to do the “perfect child” bit and excel in some way. My oldest brother became a star athlete, and then as he grew older became a sexist asshole who treated his first wife like shit and had no qualms about stepping out with other women. He now has a gf who he treats like crap.

    My older sister became excellent at people pleasing and when we were growing up, in her section of the bedroom it was so clean you could eat off the floor *under* the furniture. She of course, married a guy who went on to beat her who she divorced. Now she runs around dating men all over the place because she can’t see living life without a man in it.

    My older brother became a business/financial wiz, and is gay and married to a really nice guy. In some ways, I see him as the most well adjusted emotionally, although not completely, because he still lived in our house as a kid and had to witness constant wifebeating. I think it was what caused him to treat me like shit when we were growing up, because he sort of learned that it was ok to treat women this way. He never treated female friends badly, b

  7. umm..this is really EXTREME. completely disagree. wtf seriously? i really dont understand radical feminism. you all need to chill out and live a little

  8. I just found your blog (though I have read things that you have written on other blogs in the past) and I am loving it! It’s so rare to find online writing untainted by capitulation to men.

    I was pregnant as a 17-year-old street kid so hadn’t figured out what my goals or values were yet; I ended up having 2 daughters (no sons, so grateful for that). They are grown-up now and are really interesting people who I respect and like, but wow did the sacrifices and work it took to raise them ever fuck up my life. So happy to have finally achieved this stage of living alone sans kids.

    It’s amazing how even in feminist spaces, male children get priority attention over girl children. I have witnessed this personally and it’s fucking offensive. But the priviledge obtained by having male offspring is like any other priviledge women receive in patriarchy; a double-edged sword. You get a minimal amount of credit as long as you are slavish in your attention and sacrifice for this male *and* he turns out functional, but you’re SOL if the kid turns out to be a shithead (it’s all your fault).

  9. I don’t see any problem with not wanting to have children. I am a lesbian woman and I am definitely not interested in having kids. For that matter, even before I knew I was a lesbian, I wasn’t interested. I never thought much about the son growing up to be a sexist asshole who hurts women, but that is a good point.

  10. I have no experience like yours, I just have phobia which is related with traumatization by a male.

    ‘I’m not really sure what I’m getting at here.’ You did what you thought was right for you. Nothing more to it. There is no difference between you and me.

  11. New to your blog. Love this post.

  12. I *really* hope that any true feminists or any women (unless they are horrible people) didn’t give birth to a boy,which sorry to say will likely grow up to be socialized to be a typical sexist,woman-hater who might use woman-hating dehumanizing pornography,you would have to raise him in a cave away from the whole patriarchy and not be socialized into ”masculinity’ and you can’t do that.

    I would *never* want sons,a woman giving birth to a boy is exactly like a Jewish person giving birth to a Nazi or a Black person giving birth to white racist Klu Klux Klan members,except they can’t do this,it’s only strangely unique to women! Men are born from and nurtured by women,the same group of people they have been hating,brutalizing,discriminating against,etc for *no* rational reasons for 1,000’s of years!

    And women are also the only oppressed,hated group of people who not only mindbogglingly gives birth to their haters and oppressors,but is expected to have sexual and ”romantic” relationships with them and marry them,and they have been for 1,000’s of years.

    Then again bringing a girl into this very sick,woman-hating,pornographic male dominated society is cruel.

  13. Also,have you ever read any of the excellent books by acclaimed radical feminist psychologist Phyllis Chesler? When I wrote to Gloria Steinem when I was 22 she wrote me back a great response and suggested I read Women And Madness by Phyllis Chesler and that I would find that it made me feel less alone.

    I was little when that book came out and I had never heard of her, so I read it and it’s great powerful information as are her other books that I went on to also read, her great book About Men, which came out in 1978, and (Gloria also gave a great review on the cover) and I read it about 15 years ago for the first time. She interviewed 100’s of men and many of them were married. In her chapter called Wombless Men, she has pictures of sculptures and paintings by famous male artists like Salvador Dali, and Michaelangelo etc and she demonstrates and talks a lot about men’s subconscious fear and envy of the womb and men’s (crazy!) hatred of women. 1 of her references in her extensive bibliography is psychiatrist Wolfgang Lederer’s 1968 book, The Fear Of Women in he which explained the same things.

    She also has a chapter called Phallic Sexuality and in the beginning of it she has a little boy interviewed by a Dr.Richard Green about Sexual Indemnity Conflict in Children and Adults and he was asked if he ever wished he had been born a girl, and he said yes. Dr.Green asks him why does he wish that, and the little boy says, girls they don’t have to have a penis. The doctor says they don’t have to have a penis? The little boy then says they can have babies. The doctor then says to him why do you think girls don’t have to have a penis?

    And the little boy says Cause they have to have babies … and babies can’t come out of a penis… babies come out of a vagina… The doctor then says to him , your penis gives you a nice feeling doesn’t it? You’re not scared of it when it gets big and stiff are you ? The boy says no. The doctor says good ! It’s supposed to do that when you tickle it. That’s one big advantage for being a boy cause girls can’t do that you know. The boy says Um hum. The doctor then says to him, sure they can have babies but only boys can have a penis stand up like that.

    In the beginning of her chapter Wombless Men she has woman hater Freud interviewing a 5 year old boy patient and Freud says to him, But only women have children. Hans the little boy says he’s going to have a little girl. Freud says you’d like to have a little girl.Hans says yes next year I’m going to have one. Freud says to him but you can’t have a little girl. Hans says, Oh yes boys have girls and girls have boys. Freud says, boys don’t have children only women ,only Mummies have children. Hans says, but why shouldn’t I ? She also says in the chapter,On having A Penis and she interviewed 100’s of men about having a penis,that female blood regularly shed,reminds men of their “castration” fear,and that it also reminds them of their deeply repressed desire to *bear* children and of their inability to do so.She also says in the chapter,Wombless Men that male science,male alchemy,is partially rooted in male uterus envy,the desire to be able to create something miraculous out of male inventiveness. However,men in science have carried us all to the brink of total planetary,genetic and human destruction,repressed and unresolved uterus-envy is a dangerous emotion.

    She also has a chapter on Pornography and Other Male Sexual Fantasies. And she says in the chapter Wombless Men that it is no accident that books of pornographic or erotic art are also the source of many expressions of womb envy. In Dr.Chesler’s great 1994 book, Patriarchy Notes Of An Expert Witness she explains that both wife beaters and serial killers of women were addicted to pornography. She also explains that serial killers are mainly white male drifters obsessed with pornography and woman-hatred who sexually use their victims, either before or after killing them and who were themselves *paternally* abused children, and as adults they scapegoat not fathers but mainly women , sometimes children , sometimes male homosexuals who are seen as “feminine” or vulnerable. She then says that serial killers may be responsible for the daily and permanent , disappearance of 1000’s of prostituted and non-prostituted women each and every year all across the US.

    She also talks a lot about how sadly, women have been taught to hate themselves and each other because of the crazy male dominated woman hating society! She has many good reviews for her book, Woman’s Inhumanity To Woman which I also want to read.

    Also in 1997 ( I also wrote to Dr. Chester at this time and she wrote back a note and sent me some articles she had written) I spoke with her secretary who was in her 50’s or early 60’s and she told me that she read several chapters in one of Dr. Chester’s books, and that it was very interesting. I told her that I read several of her whole books. I said to her how unreal and crazy it is that men hate women for *no* rational reasons and that they are born and nurtured by *women* that their mothers are *women* and that most women have been kind to their sons, husbands and to men in general even though they have hated and discriminated against us, and have been doing all of these horrible injustices to women for 1000’s of years ! And she said, it’s crazy and unreal but it’s true!

  14. I have an excellent book from 1979 written by 2 parent child development psychologists Dr. Wendy Schemp Matthews and award winning psychologist from Columbia University, Dr.Jeane Brooks-Gunn, called He & She How Children Develop Their Sex Role Identity.

    They thoroughly demonstrate with tons of great studies and experiments by parent child psychologists that girl and boy babies are actually born more alike than different with very few differences but they are still perceived and treated systematically very different from the moment of birth on by parents and other adult care givers. They go up to the teen years.

    They also show that surveys show that boys are overwhelmingly preferred over girls,(sadly nothing has changed and sexist woman-hating,girl-hating Tee shirts that say( I’m Too Pretty For Homework So I Let My Brother Do It For Me) (and other sexist anti-female ads,pornography,etc do too) like these both reflect and contribute to this injustice.They also explain that when people guess if a pregnant woman is having a girl or a boy,and they list a whole bunch of false unproven sexist, gender myth,gender stereotyped,old wives tales,that assign all negative characteristics to a woman if they think she’s having a girl,and the imagined girls or given all of the negative characteristics.

    For example they say that author Elana Belotti(1977) explained these examples, The man and woman each take hold of one end of a wishbone and pull it apart.If the longest part comes away in the man’s hand,the baby will be a boy. If you suddenly ask a pregnant woman what she has in her hand and she looks at her right hand first ,she will have a boy;if she looks at her left hand it will be a girl.If the mother’s belly is bigger on the right-hand side a boy will be born,and also if her right breast is bigger than her left,or if her right foot is more restless.

    If a woman is placid during pregnancy she will have a boy,but if she is bad-tempered or cries a lot,she will have a girl.If her complexion is rosy she’s going to have a son;if she is pale a daughter. If her looks improve,she’s expecting a boy;if they worsen,a girl.If the fetal heartbeat is fast,it is a boy;if it is slow it is a girl.If the fetus has started to move by the fortieth day it will be a boy and the birth will be easy,but if it doesn’t move until the ninetieth day it will be a girl.( Belotti 1977,pp.22-23)

    Dr.Brooks-Gunn and Wendy Schempp Matthews then say, now rate each of the characteristics above as positive or negative. A woman expecting a girl is pale,her looks deteriorate,she is cross and ill-tempered,and she gets the short end of the wishbone,all negative characteristics. They then say,furthermore ,a girl is symbolized by the left-the left hand,the left side of the belly,the left foot,the left breast. They say,left connotes evil,a bad omen,or sinister,again the girls have all of the negative characteristics.

    They then say,that sex-role stereotypes about activity also characterize Belotti’s recipes:boys are believed to be active from the very beginning and girls have slower heartbeats and begin to move around later.They then say,the message although contradictory(girls cause more trouble even though they are more passive) is clear in that it reflects the sex-role stereotype that boys “do” while girls “are” and the belief that boys are more desirable than girls.

    They also say that parents have gender stereotyped reasons for wanting a girl or a boy,obviously if they didn’t it wouldn’t matter if it’s a girl or boy.When my first cousin was pregnant with her first of two girls people even strangers said such false ridiculous things to her,that they were sure she was going to have a boy because she was carrying low or how stomach looked.

    I once spoke with Dr.Brooks-Gunn in 1994 and I asked her how she could explain all of these great studies that show that girl and boy babies are actually born more alike with few differences but are still perceived and treated so differently anyway, and she said that’s due to socialization and she said there is no question, that socialization plays a very big part.

    I know that many scientists know that the brain is plastic and can be shaped and changed by different life experiences and different environments too and Eastern College gender and Christian psychology professor Dr.Mary Stewart Van Leewuen told this to me too when I spoke to her 15 years ago. Dr.Van Leeuwen also said that human beings don’t have sex fixed in the brain and she told me that humans have a unique highly developed cerebral cortex that allows us to make choices in our behaviors and we can learn things that animals can’t.

    There was another case in Canada that I read about online some years ago about another case in which a normal genetic male baby’s penis was destroyed when he was an infant and in this case he was raised as a girl from the much younger age of only 7 months old,not as late as 21 months as was David Reimer,and research shows that the core gender identity is learned by as early as 18 months old.

    In this other case,it was reported in 1998 he was still living as a woman in his 20’s but a bisexual woman. With David Reimer they raised him as a girl too late after he learned most of his gender identity as a boy from the moment he was born and put into blue clothes, treated totally differently, given gender stereotyped toys, perceived and treated totally differently than girls are in every way(in the great book,He and She:How Children Develop Their Sex Role Identity it explains that a lot of research studies and tests by parent child psychologists found that they give 3 month old babies gender stereotyped toys long before they are able to develop these kinds of preferences or ask for these toys. They also found that when adults interacted with the same exact baby they didn’t know was a girl or boy who was dressed in gender neutral clothes,they decided if they *believed* it was a girl or boy.

    And those adults who thought the baby was a boy,always handed the baby a toy foot ball,but never a doll and were asked what made them think it was a girl or boy and they said they used characteristics of the baby to make the judgement . Those who thought the baby was a boy described characteristics such as strength,those who thought the baby was a girl described the baby as having softness and fragility,and as the Dr.Jeanne Brooks-Gunn and Wendy Schempp Mathews explain,Again remember that the same infant was being characterized as strong or soft,the actual distinction by sex characteristics being only in the minds of the adults.

    They also explain that in the toy preference studies,girl toddlers often show an initial interest in the trucks,but eventually abandon them for a more familiar type of toy. Also check out Kate Bornstein’s books,Gender Outlaw and My Gender Workbook,and recently a co-written book,Gender Outlaws. Kate used to be a heterosexual married man who fathered a daughter and then had a sex change and became a lesbian woman who now doesn’t indemnity as a man or a woman. I heard Kate interview in 1998 on a local NPR show and she totally debunks gender myths,and rejects the “feminine” and “masculine” categories as the mostly socially constructed categories that they really are.She even said,what does it mean to feel or think like a woman(or man) she said what does that really mean?

  15. And also in the great important book,He & She:How Children when they explain that adults who treated the girl and boy infants in gender neutral clothes so differently and assigned gender stereotyped characteristics to them based on what they perceived them to be,not only always handed 3 month old infants they thought was a boy,a toy football but never dolls,they did the reverse for babies they thought were girls.

    Also psychology professor Dr.Mary Stewart Van League had also said when she said human beings don’t have sex fixed in the Brian,she said human beings adapt to their environments and they develop certain characteristic in response to those environments but they are not fixed and unchangeable.

  16. I meant Dr.Mary Stewart Van Leeuwen.

  17. Also I used to talk with brilliant Rhea from the sadly former Women’s Alliance Against Pornography who at the time was also an editor at a Harvard newspaper and she was very educated about these issues.She recommended that I read the critically acclaimed book,Refusing To Be A Man:Essays On Sex And Justice by John Stoltenberg who I hadn’t even heard of then and his great important book is transcribed brilliant important speeches he made at organizations and universities from the late 1970’s-late 1980’s.John is also the author of The End of Manhood:A Book For Men of Conscience,And What Makes Pornography ”Sexy”?

    She also recommended the great brilliant Catharine Mackinon’s book,Feminism Unmodified:Discourses On Life And Law which is also filled with all of the brilliant speeches she made in organizations and universities from the early-mid late 1980’s. I knew she was because I had seen her on the MacNeil,Leher News Hour in 1986 talking about a recent case of two boys who copied the violent S&M they saw in their mother’s pornography books in her bedroom,and killed the one year old mildly retarded sister of one of the boys.

    Anyway Rhea said always said,(an she’s certainly not the only one) that we live in a very sick society that hates women.She also said that most of the ”gender” differences are not natural,they have been socially constructed so men can dominate women.She also said that most men hate women and then they marry them,and that most men don’t see women as being anything like themselves,they see them as the other.

    I had said to her that whenever a celebrity or one of my cousins has given birth to a girl,at first I’m so glad that they had a girl,but then I think about the whole sexist,gender stereotyped,woman-hating society she just entered,with 80% of women sexually harassed on the job by men often with them using pornography as part of the sexual harassment,how women are payed less money for doing the same jobs as men when they have the same exact experience,education,and intelligence,unless they are in pornography,prostitution or stripping to sexually serve and please men,and all of the women raped and beaten by men,and all of men’s discrimination against women etc,and I said to Rhea I think that the girls shouldn’t have entered the sick male dominated woman-hating society,they should have been spared it.

    And Rhea said I feel exactly like you do,she said that she would *never* want to bring a girl into the male dominated woman-hating society because she feels she would basically be a target of men.I said but you wouldn’t want to have a son would you,and she said oh no way!

    I asked Rhea do you ever think about especially when you read all of the studies and women’s and girl’s testimonies on the woman-hating,sexist,degrading,and or men’s violence against women harms in pornography and when you see it when you give educational anti-porn slide shows,and the sick woman-hating male dominated society in general, the fact that men are *born* from and *nurtured* by *women* it’s so incomprehensible that this is the same group of people that they hate and treat so badly for *no* rational reasons for 1000’s of years,and she said yes she thinks about this everyday and she said men are horrible people.

    I also asked her if she knew who Howard Stern was during a 1992 phone conversation and she said he has a TV show here and he’s a very sick horrible person.I said I know he’s a horrible woman-hater,and invites all celebrities who were molested as children to come on his shows so he can make fun of them,he was quoted on Nightline in 1992 saying that wants to rape two men until their backsides bleed,and my aunt Debbie my father’s brother’s wife said,Oh my God he’s really sick,and that we live in a sick world!

    I also said to Rhea that he degrades women by dehumanizing them as nothing but inferior sex objects to use for men and constantly has porn ;”stars” on his shows and promotes pornography,and he’s a total woman-hater,and I said to her but I have seen 1000’s of his fans on the news waiting in the pouring rain to see him,and he has the number 1 talk radio program,and she yes this is a very sick society.Whenever she would say this I would say well we know why don’t we,because we aren’t the one’s running it men are,and she said that’s right!

    I also told her when I first spoke with her that I was at my aunt’s house and my first and step cousin’s two and two and half year old sons were there.And my step cousin’s two and half year old son would cry hysterically if his mother just walked across the room away from him.He also was playing with a Barbie doll that his 6 year old girl cousin who was being mean,abruptly ripped away from him,and he started to cry hysterically. So my uncle,my aunt’s husband who isn’t even that smart and is a typical sexist and old fashioned pig,even said give the doll back to him.I said to him that if more boys were given dolls to play with as little boys,it would encourage them and get them to become nurturing fathers and husbands and even said he agreed with me.

    Well even after his little cousin gave the doll back to him he was still crying hard foe like 15 minutes with the doll back in his hand.I said to Rhea that I notice that little boys are not that different from little girls at all,they cry just as easily, they are just as emotionally vulnerable and have the same fears,and are just as sensitive as most little girls are,and she said well of course they are,that’s before the male dominated society harshly trains them into ”masculinity” and that’s when she said most of the gender differences are not natural,they have been socially created so men can dominate women.

  18. I just noticed that I made a few more typing mistakes. But I also wanted to add,that when I first spoke with Rhea I had told her that my first cousin’s new husband said that when he was 15 and wanted to jerk off he would ejaculate on the girls clothes,and I had said to him what if the girl didn’t want you to do this,(which of course most girls and find disgusting and degrading and pornography constantly portrays this and makes it seem ”normal””erotic” and ”sexy”) he actually said that it didn’t matter if the girl wanted you to or not and he said something like if your a young guy who wants to get off that’s all you care about.

    And when I told this to my much older second cousin and I said to her this is like a mentality of a rapist,and she said it is the mentality of a rapist.When I told Rhea what he said she said right away,that’s the patriarchy,his attitudes are very common.She also said in a 1992 conversation that there is no such thing as a normal man today,studies show that the average man is not that different psychologically from a rapist and that it’s the *abnormal* guy who doesn’t have attitudes of sexism and violence against women.I said to her it’s mostly because of the pornography right? And she said it’s mostly because of the pornography but it’s because of other things too.I said like what? And she said,Oh the Arnold Schwarenegger movies with the violent definitions of ”masculinity”.

  19. I made another typing mistake or two. I also meant that most girls and women find men ejaculating on them sick, degrading and disgusting.Also my cousin’s husband went on some years later to have two daughters with her.Would he want his daughters to be treated this way by other mother’s ”darling” favored sons? So many men are total hypocrites,they have no problem using other people’s daughter’s as nothing but sex objects for their pleasure in pornography and or with women they actually meet,but a lot of them would never want their own daughters to be treated this way.Although most of them are such irrational cruel woman-haters a lot of them wouldn’t care!

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