Heterosexual women really need to get their shit together.
From the “don’t talk about my continued pattern of getting into go-nowhere relationships with men” to the using of lesbians for comfort from male abuse it needs to stop.
each time I’ve suggested to women that they stop having relationships with men (Not suggesting they start dating women) the defensiveness comes to the surface immediately. The justifications for continuing to let men invade your bodies and colonize your mind are always there. “Women are just as bad” etc. Well actually NO, women are not just as bad and deep down all women know that. You are far less likely to be raped, physically abused or subjected to extreme gender shit from a woman than from a man.
Fine, not all women can be celibate or become political lesbians, thats not the expectation. But if its really so bad with men (and it is) you should have enough self respect to stop getting into those patterns.
When lesbians point this out they are scapegoated as bashing heterosexual women, etc. But that isn’t the case. The truth is a very hurtful thing to confront but it will set you free, which is the hope of lesbian feminists speaking the truth to their sisters.
There’s also another problem which I don’t think is addressed enough, that heterosexual women USE lesbians. I cannot tell you the number of times I’ve seen heterosexual women fake interest in women just because they’re upset at men. The lesbian community is not a dumping ground for het women’s problems with men. If you really love other women you won’t use them that way. It continues to happen though.
I know its not always possible to just leave men, some women have children with men, some women are dependent in ways. Some women (unicorns) have good relationships with men who treat them like human beings and they don’t want to just leave them because they’ve come to a certain consciousness. Its understandable. But the defensiveness about ones sacred! sexuality has to stop.
Maybe its easier for me than some. I’ve been “bisexual” for nearly my entire life, I think I was 5 or 6 when I had my first crush on a girl. I’ve had relationships with males and females but have made a conscious decision to practice celibacy because of the trauma that relationships with males put me through. Being fucked by men definitely has resulted in physiological responses that I will not subject another woman to. If you listen to lesbians talk about this issue they talk about how deeply hurtful it is to be rejected by their female lovers.
Think about it: you want to be intimate with another person and they are rejecting you because of your sex or because of your unresolved trauma from men.
The sad thing is that this generally happens AFTER a het woman sleeps with a lesbian.
I don’t understand why so many insist silence about this issue.
I think part of this is that women know they’re making a conscious choice to continue with men despite how they’ve been treated and they don’t want to confront that within themselves. Facing/acknowledging that we’ve made conscious decisions about how we want our lives to be at times is hard, but with a feminist consciousness the excuses have to end.