Review: Dykes-Loving-Dykes : Dyke Separatist Politics For Lesbians Only

Shit Male Feminists Say

Shit Liberal Feminists Say

Get Angry

Women come from different backgrounds and cultures where emotions are expressed or repressed in different ways. Because of this there’s a lot of misunderstanding when women come together to form intentional female-only communities. The lens through which we’ve been socialized will often lead to problems in communication arising. Even though I’ve read feminist literature talking about this its still not a problem that is really addressed or dealt with.

When it comes to the great work of self-transformation, the onus is often put on the less privileged to change when in fact, they are often much better rounded and advanced in their understanding than women from more privileged backgrounds who they offend.

Emotional expression has been historically associated with the working classes, the landed gentry made a great show of controlling their emotions in public, not crying at funerals etc. A modern example of this was Queen Elizabeth II not crying at the funeral of Princess Diana. Many made her out to be “cold and uncaring” because of this but it has been ingrained in her from birth that one must control these type of emotions and show strength through that means. Now I disagree strongly that that is a healthy way to be, but it is the case that that is her “culture” if you will. We all have cultural backgrounds which inform our personalities and how we express ourselves to the world. While there is room for individuality there are also very obvious cultural tendencies.

Working class and poverty class women are accustomed to expressing a full range of emotions and also arguing from a place of passion. It is our culture to do this, this is not a “problem” it is a way of being but time and time again I see women alienated from feminist spaces for being themselves and in fact, being far more advanced in the practice of their feminism than the women alienating them. It is the middle classes who mainly try to keep everything “nice”. This of course doesn’t mean they are nice people. Many of them engage in serious betrayal, gaslighting, abuse of power all while maintaining a “nice” veneer. Because they do not get upset or express emotion they are viewed as being the more balanced when in fact they are completely unbalanced. This sort of behavior drives women from lower class backgrounds insane because this is the sort of treatment many of us received from those who brutalized us growing up.

That being said I’ve noticed that women from different backgrounds, especially lower-class backgrounds really are trying to communicate with their sisters. One example that I’ve noticed is Bev Jo who is demonized within radical feminist spaces when in fact she’s one of the most patient women I’ve ever seen with explaining herself, trying to get women to see why what they’re doing is harmful to other women etc. I’ve got absolutely no patience and will just disengage from women who behave in ways that I’ve seen her still trying to get through to them. She does this because she knows that women can change and that they need to.
I’ve also seen Bonnie, a black feminist,  get very angry with a group of white feminists recently, come back and apologize and admit that she was deliberately trying to get their goat because SHE CARES what they think, this is despite being subjected to racism and ostracism time and time again. This woman still has enough love for her sisters from other backgrounds to try to wake them up to understanding where she is coming from. That is real love.

Anger isn’t a bad emotion, it is an impetus to change, it often comes about when love expressed is not received. “Tough love” from one woman to another is still love, it is merely being expressed another way with an emphasis on change needing to occur. Women need to be able to allow one another to be angry with one another, its not as if anger is occurring for no reason either, often its about exclusion or betrayal of political ideals,  which is not “nice”. We can’t be full human beings and not ever get angry with each other, it will happen.

We had a discussion recently about lesbian spaces and how they’re not really protected from predatory men posing as lesbians often and even though many women are uncomfortable with the presence of these men they say and do nothing because the cultural tendency is middle class. They say nothing and hope problems will go away or pretend it isn’t happening. They would rather keep the unpleasant situation unspoken than confront it. Well that doesn’t work as we’ve clearly seen.

There are real consequences to not expressing one’s anger in a direct or healthy way because believe it or not, its still obvious when middle class and upper class women are angry, because they become very destructive and passively aggressive. You don’t need a PhD to pick up on that.

For far too long the onus has been on the wrong women to change, it is the same issues of race or other forms of oppression, the work is so often done by the women experiencing the oppression when really it needs to come from above.

Further reading:
Therapism and the Taming of the Lesbian Community

The Lesbian Revolution & the 50-minute Hour: A Working-Class Look at Therapy and the Movement

Separatism is Not a Luxury

An ode to bad lesbians and the rest of us who fail in “niceness”

Navigating Sisterhood

Women are consistently held to higher standards than men are, even by other women, even by feminists. Its interesting because how I personally feel about that is two-fold. On the one hand I recognize the sexism inherent in expecting women to be pure, perfect, unsullied by fault but on the other hand I know that women are capable of change and how they think, feel and act about the world actually matters.

Karl Marx was a chauvinist who consistently mismanaged his family’s meager wealth – making them live in squalor and poverty while also impregnating servant girls in his spare time. He was a fucking prick, however very few people would sit and chastise this fucking prick about his personal life, his faults when discussing his ideas. They are irrelevant to the equation in almost everyone’s eyes. What woman of thought and brilliance can ever say the same as to her legacy?

A woman’s work will always be sullied by her personal faults because in order for a woman to express ideas she must first be free from the stain of her human error. As this is impossible no woman’s body of work will ever be appreciated in the full glory that a man’s would and has.

I wonder though, while this is certainly a double standard that must end, would the solution be to overlook fault entirely? I’m not sure I have an answer to that really.

I’m reading Sonia Johnson’s “Going Out of Our Minds” right now and some parts are electrifying but others really put me off – There’s some interesting passages about the phenomenon of “trashing” and the necessity of loving women.  I wonder if Johnson is perhaps influenced by her previous Mormon faith in the need to love so indiscriminately.  I’ve noticed a correlation between the phenomenon of trashing and the sisterhood-of-perpetual-love-for-every-woman-no-matter-what. Its that same kind of hollow feeling of love you get when you walk into a church and the people basically want you to become another member. Its all “nice” until you get under the surface and see all the backstabbing and petty shit that goes on.

So what is to be done? As a feminist it obviously hurts more when women are cruel or mean than when a man does it because we know that somewhere inside them they are capable of better. Unlike men we know they are capable of change. [For example: I also know that I am always going to be fighting an uphill battle with some women because of prejudice against class, lesbianism, looks, professionalism (their internalized misogyny) etc. ]
I suppose my only answer, and bit of advice for women this resonates with is to remember that we can’t control anyone else’s behavior. That we have a right to say no to that which doesn’t feel good and that friends are often better than sisters. That some battles aren’t worth fighting and that some resources aren’t worth exhausting.
Try not to hold women to too high a standard whilst simultaneously knowing when to say you’ve had enough.
Good luck.

In friendship.

The Demonic Feminine

When I first read Engel’s “The Origin of the Family, Private Property and the State” I had this flash of insight telling me that the whole story of Eve really was a metaphor for the fact that women were the ones who invented agriculture, through our wisdom of the manipulation of nature women created the conditions which led to their own enslavement. Now I don’t really know if this is true, it was just a thought that popped into my mind that I held for awhile but its a good place to start. Patriarchal mythology is full of metaphor and lessons that are especially geared toward controlling the minds of women. If you control the mind of a person you train them to stop themselves before you ever have to get involved, its proved to be a fool-proof system for the most part. Eve is the perfect female, dumb but easily controlled, a willing vessel for the seed of Adam. A willing dupe for him and the Abrahamic God to play their misogynistic games out on.

Women’s so-called “spirituality” is full of references to the “divine feminine”. This will conjure up all kinds of images in the mind of those who hear it and I don’t claim to speak for all of them but when I hear it I think of a sanitized patriarchal style goddess archetype who fits perfectly in the web of things as a counterpart to the male patriarchal god archetype, where he is active she is passive, where he is light she is dark, where he is thoughtful she is emotional etc. Now knowing, understanding and being able to look deep within these archetypes can be important knowledge, can be illuminating, can even help people, but it is important to think critically and examine our emotions relative to everything we come across. Who do these “feminine” archetypes really serve?
What is “feminine” anyway?

Most new-age types will say that we all carry within us male and female energy when these concepts are criticized for their sexism/essentialism but I am going to say it right now : there is no female that has male energy and there is no male that has female energy. We are completely different beings. This is why female-only spaces are critical to the development of a true feminist consciousness. This is why women know when a male has entered a space, even if he masquerades as a female. There is no substitute for real femaleness.

The idea that feminine energy is passive, nurturing, accepting, allowing and intuitive while male energy is active, individualistic, antagonistic and resistant is spiritually castrating to women. When a woman views her action, her power, her dynamism as a “male” archetype within her, she on some level is denying her own power, potential, and ultimately ability to break free from the male supremacist matrix she’s been born into. After all, the patriarch is living within her. This is a dead-end for feminists looking to reclaim their spirituality.

So lets talk about the demonic feminine. She is a full entity unto herself. She will not submit. She takes what she wants. She is an actor in the world around her. She does not accept that there are things she cannot change. She strives daily to be her most perfect self through discipline and desire, never through performing for or pleasing others. She seeks revenge for the ways in which she has been wronged. She does not follow male rules yet she is 100% female. Now this is an empowering, feminist archetype. I talked about Lilith in my last post and I want to bring her up again. She is a very important figure for feminists to collaborate with. She represents all these things, especially the courage to go into the unknown, to be on one’s own path. Every time women tell a man-hating joke the demonic feminine is there. Every time a woman refuses to smile in deference to a man she is there. When women eat cake, when they let their body hair grow free, when they deliberately create something new, when they refuse to mutilate their faces to look young, when they ignore male rules and standards, when they fight back, when they win, she is within them.

Lilith isn’t the only example of what I call “the demonic feminine” but she is one many westerners will already have a little bit of familiarity with. Always a good place to start. There are many terrifying dark goddess figures from every land and culture that represent the same thing, women’s mastery and power over life and death, our ability to survive and seek revenge for men’s brutality and rapism. As Mary Daly said “The divine patriarch castrate’s women as long as he is allowed to live on in the human imagination.” I will take this a step further and say that adopting a feminized version of the same values, morality and ultimately connection to the divine does exactly the same thing.

If you are going to be a feminist you will be hated so you may as well be the biggest, loudest most aggressive feminist you can be.
If you are going to be a witch you will be hated so you may as well be the darkest, most fearful and fearless one you can be.

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Madonna, eat your heart out.

Its Hard Out Here For a Witch

Witches are everywhere but like most non-conforming women they are invisible to the general public.

Much like being a lesbian, any woman can be a witch, its a choice one makes to stand against patriarchal spirituality, rules and expectations of woman as docile recipient of whatever men want from her. Witches bypass this expectation that women are to be passive in our experiences, and like men, choose to make their own realities. Choose to be creators, choose to use the laws of nature for their own purposes. Now just because any woman CAN be a witch, doesn’t mean that every woman will be a witch or is willing to do what is necessary to cut herself off from her conditioning. But we must remember that the choice is always available for those select women who desire it.

Witches choose to see that which we are supposedly not supposed to, that which isn’t there. They have a direct connection to the world around them, to nature, to the divine. It is easy then to see how radical feminism is a form of witchcraft. It requires unfixing the eyes, delving into the subconscious and extracting the patriarchal attachments that have wormed their ways into our spiritual and emotional bodies. I’m sure many women have experienced the feeling of being sucked into an alternate dimension when they read Griffin or Daly. Thats what the work is meant to do. Its meant to act as a portal to that dimension where we can replenish our damaged souls and find our strength and power to act in brave ways. Like we are meant to.

There is a reason why witches are persecuted. Magick works. It obtains results. Now we can debate why that is but the fact is that anyone who has spent any time in the practice will know this. They will also know that every human being practices magick, most are just unaware that is what they are doing.

I feel called to write about this today because it’s October, Halloween season and I want to write about “spooky” subjects because its my other passion, but also I want the women who read my blog, or come across it to understand just how deep men’s war against women goes. Its on every level. Men have not forgotten how to practice magick. Its partially why they obtain things so much easier than us. I don’t mean they’re out there every week casting a spell, although some do, it isn’t necessary to practice what I refer to as magick. They don’t go through the conditioning women do that puts us in an oppressed mindset. From an oppressed mindset it is very difficult to do much more than be a cog in the MANchine. From a powerful, elementally connected, infinite mindset its pretty easy to see yourself doing anything you want. Now we can’t have women standing in their own power, truth and actually enjoying their lives can we? They might decide they don’t want to be disposable rape objects, baby factories, cheap labor and domestic servants.

So men have waged spiritual war against us. Literally crippling our spirits before we are even born. They have created disturbing death cults that DICKtate how we are to obtain salvation for our inherent wickedness by being good servants to them and seeing their faces as the face of god. These BS (belief systems) tell women to accept our unhappiness, to swallow our own bitterness, literally making us physically ill. Its no wonder so many women can’t sleep at night for the physical pain and worry that eats them alive. They tell us not to practice magick, that they should not suffer those women who step outside and do it anyway amongst the community.

They have also waged physical war against witches. I don’t want to get too far into it here as its a topic that deserves far more attention than I can give now – but the European witch burnings were done on purpose, to put women in an even more subservient place than they were before. People don’t talk about the real history of Europe prior to the witch burnings. Women’s place was not in the home prior to that. Women owned businesses, properties, had jobs, were a vital part of the life of their communities. After this time period, men became the shop owners, it was considered unladylike to be out of the home engaging in business. Men took over traditional women’s roles like midwifery and healthcare. The burning times were a direct genocide on women as a caste, which men won and we are still dealing with the reverberations of today. Lets be clear – hardly any of the murdered women were witches. The witch is the scapegoat of womanity. Her spirit exists in all of us, waiting to be set free. Waiting like Lilith to seek her revenge on the sons of Adam who have knocked her down from her place in the garden of Eden.